


Death-Crazed Maniacs

by LaoisePotter



Category: Critical Role
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Post ep 97, mentions of blood/past harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 05:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11891394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaoisePotter/pseuds/LaoisePotter
Summary: There are some things Vex cannot move past.





	Death-Crazed Maniacs

Vex was all sorts of messed up.

It hit her in waves when she least expected it, sneaking up behind her as she kneaded dough in the bakery or while she stalked deer in the woods. Suddenly it wasn't dough anymore, it was pale skin with no muscle underneath it, no breath and no pulse to color it with life. Suddenly the brown hide turned red with blood and memory and the shining antlers adorned a head of limp copper hair, glistening innocently in the sunshine. Vex let go of the dough and dropped to her knees on the forest floor and struggled to breathe against the panic welling in her throat.

_This isn't real._

She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes and focused on the sounds of Taryon chatting up customers, or birds arguing with each other in the treetops above, and willed herself to stay in the moment. _This isn't real_. Sometimes she was in bed and woke up in a cold sweat, her dreams more vivid than her daytime hallucinations. Vex would grope in the dark for Percy's arm or Trinket's fur, someone alive to anchor her to reality. Percy never woke up but Trinket usually did, sniffing and nuzzling her in concern as she slipped off the bed onto his back. For days, she spent most of her nights in her beautiful home in Whitestone curled up against her bear on the floor. _This isn't real_. It never felt false enough to ignore.

Vex'ahlia never withdrew in the presence of others. When those moments came, her hand would snake up and grasp the jewel that connected them all, the only thing she trusted to tell her the truth when they weren't all together. She'd squeeze it hard and go about her business, not letting go until the numbness of fear subsided and she could feel the pattern start to mark her palm. The more of her friends that were around, the less time it took to recover.

_THIS ISN'T REAL_.

It was like being shot in the heart with lightning whenever Vex looked to Keyleth in these moments. She never experienced a more violent high or more jarring fall as she did when her eyes fell on the warm, breathing, alive woman she saw land cold, still, dead on the rocks by the sea. Vex couldn't decide whether she loved or hated Keyleth being there to ignite the images before spiking them away. She couldn't decide whether she loved or hated Keyleth, period.

"Vex'ahlia?"

She shrugged her brother off with a lighthearted jibe and an elbow to the ribcage. There was no reason they couldn't carry on as usual, and Vex wasn't about to give up another shred of normalcy. Vax wouldn't forget, she knew, whether he noticed the jewel or Keyleth, but he wasn't going to press her either. She loved him for that. She wasn't sure when (or if) she'd be ready to talk.

Other than Vax, the only person who seemed to notice those moments was Pike. She let Vex know she was thinking of her in small, subtle ways, like Vex was an injured animal she didn't want to scare off. A squeeze of the hand, an extra tart put aside, a menial task done at the bakery so her friend could go home early... Vex hardly knew how to thank Pike for understanding without a single word passing between them. Maybe she'd braid some feathers into her hair, if her strong and steady ranger hands ever stopped trembling.

"Vex?"

It was dusk, three weeks later, when Keyleth found her in the branches of the Sun Tree.

"Vex, are you up there?"

Something hot exploded in her stomach and tears stung behind her eyes: nothing unusual. She swallowed hard against the urge to cry and took a deep breath. "Yes, I am. Did you need something, darling?"

"No, I just came to see the Sun Tree and he told me you were here. Well, he didn't say it was you, exactly, he said something about your energy or spirit or whatever, but"--there was a rustling of leaves near the base--"I knew what he meant, so I thought I'd say hi!"

Vex immediately began to climb through the branches. "I'm coming down to you, Keyleth, keep your feet on the ground. We all know gravity isn't your friend."

"Well, I mean...it's just...yeah, sure," the Druid mumbled reluctantly, dropping her hands from the tree. Moments later Vex landed gracefully by her side, and Keyleth smiled warmly. "Hi."

"Hi."

They found themselves simply staring at each other for several long moments, quiet comfort settling in Keyleth's bones while dizzying relief buzzed through Vex. It was more of a struggle to keep a straight face with each day that passed by.

"So, we're going to have dinner soon," Keyleth broke the silence with a hopeful grin. "Wanna join us?"

Vex let out a breath and felt her façade slip away just a little bit. She was so full of life. It hurt Vex so much that she couldn't forget what she brought her friend back from. She didn't hate Keyleth, she could never hate Keyleth, she cared for her in such wild amounts it burned through her like a rage. It felt like staring into the sun and Vex wasn't sure how much she could handle at one time. "Actually... I think I'm going to go home. Turn in for an early night, you know." She tried to keep her voice light. "Thank you, though."

"Oh, sure." A crease appeared between her friend's eyebrows, and Vex sensed that Keyleth was really looking at her for the first time in weeks. "Um...so I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

_This is real_.

Without saying anything else, Vex'ahlia took Keyleth's face in her hands and left a long kiss on her forehead. _This is real_. A lump formed in her throat and she pulled away before it became too much.

"Goodnight, Keyleth."

Keyleth flushed deeply and opened her mouth to respond, but Vex was already gone.

* * *

 

The three-quarter moon hanging over Whitestone bathed the land in a gentle glow as Keyleth made her way silently through the streets towards the Third House. She had warned Tary that she might come around, so Doty paid her no mind when she slipped through the front door. That was always going to be the easy part of the night.

In the soft moonlight that crept through the window, Keyleth saw the barest evidence of tear stains streaked on Vex's pale cheeks. The ranger's face was screwed up in a grimace of pain, her fists holding tight to the sheet she pulled off the bed with her, and Keyleth felt like crying at the sight. Trinket lifted his head, careful to not disturb the half-elf on his back, and looked at Keyleth curiously.

"Hey, buddy. How do you feel about spending the night with your Uncle Vax?"

"Rrehrr."

"I'm gonna try and make this all better."

Trinket twisted and licked Vex's face. She immediately recoiled, fingers flexing against the sheet. "Mmph, Trinket..."

He nudged her with his nose. Vex stretched like a cat, slowly uncurling as she opened one bleary eye and squinted at their unexpected guest. "Keyleth?"

Keyleth took a step forward. "Hi, Vex." She put her hand on Trinket's head, giving him a quick scratch behind the ears. "Thanks, buddy. I've got it from here."

Vex let out a squeak of surprise as her bear stood up and she tumbled back onto the bed. Trinket nuzzled her cheek one last time before he lumbered out of the room and set on his way to the castle. (The next morning, a very confused Vax would wake up to find a very large bear dozing half on top of him and not a druid in sight.)

"Keyleth, what is this?"

Sitting down on the bed, Keyleth swung her legs up and reached out towards Vex. "Call it an intervention, of sorts. Come here."

Vex stared at Keyleth's open arms in bleary confusion, but the comfort she felt radiating from her was impossible to ignore. She inched sideways and let herself be wrapped up, the tension in her body immediately starting to relax. Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks before she could stop them and she quickly swiped them away.

"I've been so worried about you."

If her ear hadn't been a breath away from Keyleth's face, Vex wasn't sure she would have heard her. She tilted her chin and met the troubled eyes looking at her. "Why?"

A sad, almost hurt smile appeared under those eyes and Keyleth shook her head slowly. "You are one of my best friends, Vex'ahlia. I can always see you, even if I don't know what I'm seeing."

Vex shut her eyes and let her forehead fall against her friend's shoulder. The burning in her stomach was back, and she could feel a lump rising in her throat. "What is it you saw that brought you here?" she asked quietly.

Fingers began to run gently through her hair and up and down her spine. "I saw...the way you would grab your necklace, like it was a lifeline. I saw you look at everyone like we were about to disappear right under your nose. I saw you look at me like I was the only reason you could keep breathing in those moments."

Vex buried her head in Keyleth's neck and was silent. Hands slid down her back as Keyleth held her tight, and a whisper drifted past her ear.

" _Please tell me_."

That was all it took to make Vex sniff hard and breathe out a sob. "I watched you die," she choked, tears falling quickly onto freckled skin. "I watched you _die_ , Keyleth. You were the only one who hadn't--fuck, Keyleth, it's been _torture_. I can't s-stop thinking about...w-what if I wasn't there? You're like an anchor in this group of death-crazed maniacs, and you just..." The end of the sentence was lost as her teeth ground together and fingers gripped Keyleth's shift like it was the only think tying her to the world. A pained growl tore from her throat and she began to shake from her failing effort to not break down completely.

"Oh, _Vex_." Keyleth squeezed her impossibly closer and rocked them gently back and forth. "Vex, Vex, my wonderful Vex..."

The ranger cried. There was nothing else she could do at this point. Vex'ahlia let herself be held by Keyleth, warm, breathing, alive Keyleth, as the darkness slipped slowly from her mind. _This is real. This is real. This is real_.

When Vex's breath start to even out, Keyleth slid her hands down and guided her friend's arms to wrap around her waist. She took Vex's face in her hands and kissed her, gently, on her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, her mouth, everywhere she could reach. "I'm sorry," she breathed, her own tears mixing with Vex'ahlia's with every brush of her lips, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Eventually Vex pulled back slightly and looked Keyleth in the eye. "Please don't be sorry," she croaked, bringing a hand up to rest over Keyleth's and the other to press against the skin over her friend's beating heart. "Just be here. Just be alive."

Keyleth leaned forward and kissed Vex again. Her free hand dropped to cover the hand over her heart as she pressed their foreheads together. "I'm here," Keyleth whispered. "I'm real. I swear I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." Vex sniffed, then chuckled weakly. "And if you do go somewhere or do something, _please_ tell us first, for the love of all the gods in the Pantheon."

Keyleth breathed a laugh. "I promise I'll let you know when I'm about to do something stupid."

With a sigh, Vex reached up and brushed away the remaining tears on Keyleth's face. "That's all I ask, darling."

Smiling, Keyleth threw her arms around her friend and pulled her into a tight hug. "I love you, Vex'ahlia."

"I love you too, Kiki."

* * *

 

Vex woke up the next morning to a face full of copper hair and a warm, breathing, alive Druid wrapped in her arms. She could not remember the last time she felt so complete.

**Author's Note:**

> I said if nobody else was going to write Vexleth then by God I would and by God I did. Find me on tumblr with the same name, better and gayer than ever.


End file.
